Weight

It's not that I can't post without being negative, it's just that I've been busy. Really. *grin* The spring-like weather has been prompting a very long to-do list.

Something I've been ruminating on recently while checking off to-do items is weight and our perception of how we look. I've been just a little on the heavy side since I was about thirteen. It always bothered me, but not enough to really do anything about it. Since we moved up here, I've found myself outside more and more since my kids are very energetic and need to burn off energy for their own good and the good of those of us who live with them *wink* So I've gotten more fit sort of involuntarily. The same goes with the weight loss thing. While I have made some choices (no refined sugar, for instance), some choices have been made for me (no refined flour, no fatty foods, very little dairy). And so I'm slimmer than I've ever been (at least as an adult). I choose to feel blessed by this, rather than lament the many things that I can't eat anymore. Otherwise I'd be miserable to live with.

The point I'm making in all this is that I was convinced for years and years that if I ever got to a size 'X', I wouldn't worry about how I looked anymore. I rolled my eyes when I read articles about models and actresses that said they still worried about looking fat. But you know what? It doesn't seem to matter what size I am, I still look in the mirror and see the areas that I need to improve on. I'm not complaining about this, please understand - I'm kind of fascinated by it. I'm realizing more and more that it really is a state of mind, not a state of body (just like all the books said, I know, I just didn't believe them). Yes, it's important to notice when I get out of shape, and to establish an exercise routine so that I'm at a fitness level at which I can comfortably keep up with my children and also set a good example for them. And if that eliminates some 'problem areas', then great. If it makes clothes fit better, wonderful. But I think I just have to choose to disregard that little voice that insists on pointing out how there's some extra fat there, or some loose skin there, ad nauseam. It's hard, though, since the little voice is fed by so much externally as well as internally.

Perhaps it's the same as this no complaining thing - the first step is to notice the voice is there. Notice when it starts speaking. And then choose not to listen.